Spring 2013 Update

Hello everyone!
It's that time of year again... My annual update on my son's progress with his autism. However, I'm only going to do a very quick update on things instead of a detailed update like I have done in the past. You see, I've also been including a quick update once in a while on my other blog, "Word Processor, Romance, Cats, Kids and Creed" and anyone who reads that blog on a regular or semi regular basis will see how far Son has progressed over the last year.
Things have changed in some ways, others not so much. He's in grade 2 now, still working ahead in math and still having problems with his comprehension.
That said, he's doing great despite some difficulties. 
Grade 1 ended at the end of June last year, and we said good bye to his teacher's assistant... He had her for two years in a row and we figured he would have a new TA in his class this coming year...
Summer came along, and as always, Son was bored stiff until he adapted to being home with his crazy, aspiring author mother... After a week or so, he did get used to being home all of the time and we did our best to get him out of the house for something fun, like bowling or even a trip to the beach.
Our annual family get together was at my aunt's house again this year and those who hadn't seen him since the year before marveled at how much he had grown and his abilities in math. I don't think my mother was too surprised how easily he picked math up... It was one of my best subjects in school after all as well as my brother's. Son chattered away at everyone, watched TV with my great aunts and made everyone laugh on several occasions while he chased my then youngest niece around the back yard.
September rolled around and we took Son into the school to introduce him to his Grade 2 teacher and to show him his new classroom... While we were there, we met his teachers' assistants... He has TWO of them this year, one for the morning and one for the afternoon.... But what is the best part of all is that his TA from Primary and Grade 1 was assigned to be with him in the mornings! I was so excited I almost jumped up and down! It puts my mind at ease knowing she is with him again this year... She hasn't been just at TA to his class, she's been his FRIEND and that's what he needs more than anything.
Things are going pretty good for the most part. We have our good days and bad days just like any other family, and Son is growing and learning just like any other child in his peer group. He's become VERY focused on time because time means Schedule in his mind and he does love to stick to a schedule! That's okay, he keeps me on my toes and there is never a dull moment here.
He's also been coming up with some REALLY goofy stuff on his own this last year too... I said one day that my brain "wasn't working" because I had been writing all day (I finished my first full length manuscript in October of 2012 and am now working on its sequel!) and he asked me if my brain was "broken" because of that. *laughs* Silly child! Nowadays when I say I feel scatterbrained because of the writing, that child immediately asks me if my brain needs to be fixed. KIDS!
Anyway, I hope y'all enjoyed this latest entry in our journey... Don't forget to wear BLUE today in honor of Autism Awareness Day... Light the entire world blue everyone, to show your support and to increase Autism Awareness!
Blessings!
~Valerie-June~     

Spring 2012 Update...

Autism Update March 2012

Another year has gone by… And so many changes have happened again!

April and May of 2011 saw my son improving daily with his social skills, fine motor skills, etc. He’s now able to print somewhat clearly on his own and the pressure he puts on his pencil or pen seems to be improving too. He’s writing a lot neater than he had been in the months before last spring and has a lot more control over where the pencil goes.

June of 2011 saw him graduate from grade primary into grade one and although we were sorry to say good bye to his primary teacher, we found out that she will be working at the school as a teacher for all of the classes in the school for something called PATHS.

June also saw a sad day for us… June 1, 2011, we lost our beloved Siamese cat, Angel, to unknown circumstances… I’m not going into more detail, I don’t want to upset anyone! She is buried out behind our forsythia bushes. Lil Etoile asks where she is from time to time and my response is that she’s living with Nanny again. He’s accepting that and I hope the times he asks for her get further and further between!

Summer went by so quickly this last year. Once again, my aunt hosted the now yearly family get together at her place, and a good part of my family from Lunenburg County and the Valley were there again. My brother and his wife were unable to make it though, they live in Cape Breton (part of NS) and are over 8 hours away by car. We had a great time even though they couldn’t make it. I didn’t take my son into the pool this year, last year was too upsetting for him, so we just let him zoom around my aunt and uncle’s yard and house, playing with his various cousins of all ages, talking to his aunts, uncles and grandmother (my mom) and having a great time.

My baby niece was there and was being passed from family member to family member, much to her disgust. She was 9 months old at the get together and my son didn’t show any signs of jealousy when I was holding her or talking to her. He kept looking at her and calling her “his baby”, which made all of us adults laugh.

The day after the family get together, there was a memorial exhibition for my late great uncle Howard W. Shankle, who is a well known woodlands artist in this area. I didn’t take my son with me for it because I knew he would get antsy, etc but I went and had a great time seeing people I knew from years past and catching up with everyone. There was also a lecture held that night and I attended that as well.

September 2011 saw Lil Etoile starting Grade 1, with a new teacher, a new classroom, some new classmates but with something the same… Last year’s PSA for his class was going to be the PSA for his class again this year! I was so happy to find out because Mrs. O was awesome with my son last year and she knows him, his likes/dislikes, his behaviors, what causes a meltdown for him, etc., plus she adores my son and he adores her, which is always a bonus in my mind!

He’s doing great in Grade 1… In fact, his first report card of the year came home in November and his grades were all As and Bs!!! November also saw me attend my first Parent Teacher meeting… Before that, I didn’t have to attend them because I was attending transitional meetings every couple of months with his teachers, the principal, etc anyway. It was different but everyone gave me glowing reports on how well he was doing and so much more!

November saw another tragedy happen for us, pet wise. November 30, 2011, I got up as usual on a school morning and noticed the dog, Sargent, was not well at all. He could not get up at all and… I’m not going to go into details here because I don’t want to upset anyone! We did get him to the vet’s and he peacefully left us around 8:30 that morning. I had warned Lil Etoile that the dog may not be there when he gets home from school and I was right. He was very upset because he and the dog were very close, they played together a lot during the 21 months that Sargent was living here.

Christmas came and went quietly again this year. Lil Etoile made out like a bandit again, getting a lot of cool stuff he likes, notably a couple of remote control cars, a foam bowling set from Santa and a mini air hockey table game from Hubby and I. We did the same thing we did last year, we spent the day at our house then went to my mother in law’s house in the evening, where we met up with my two brothers in law and the middle brother’s girlfriend. Lil Etoile had a blast and was very happy to be with Daddy’s family, he loves it at Nanny’s house!

January saw Lil Etoile go back to school again and he was very happy to be back with his teachers, classmates and friends. From what I understand, all of the students in the elementary end of the school know him and like him… He’s one popular young man and I hope this continues!

I had a meeting with his teachers after school went back into session in January. Apparently Lil Etoile had been having meltdowns more and more frequently and was sassing his teachers. We discussed this matter and realized he was bored at school, the school work his classmates were getting was not challenging enough for him so we decided that it would be okay if he could work ahead on things like spelling and math. He still has problems with comprehension but we are working on that and slowly, his comprehension skills are starting to catch up.

February saw our one cat, Noelle, getting an operation. The first day she went in to have the area checked out by the vet and to set up the operation date, Lil Etoile was VERY upset at school. He cried, he would not do any of his work and he just would not listen to his teachers. I had my suspicions to what was wrong with him and I asked him if he was upset about Noelle. He responded with “yes” and I told him she would be coming home again, she was not that sick and was just going in to the vets’ to make sure she was okay. He was still quite upset that day until Hubby brought Noelle home again… The instant he saw her blinking out of the cat carrier at him and purring at him, he relaxed and calmed down. She had a bandage wrapped around her to prevent her from scratching the infected site open with her back paws but other than that, she was zooming around the house as she normally does, demanding food and lots of cuddles the instant she was let loose from the carrier.

I think what had happened is that Lil Etoile connected “vet” with “pet not coming home again” and thought Noelle was going to leave us for good like Birdie, Angel and Sargent had in the last year and a half. Thankfully, this time he was shown that pets DO come home from the vets and Noelle was fine.

She had the operation about a week later and although Lil Etoile was upset that day in school, it wasn’t as bad as it was the first time she went. Ten days later, she had the stitches out and it was late enough in the day for us to take Lil Etoile with us to show him that GOOD things do happen in a veterinarian’s office. He was wonderful, chatting with some of the “parents” of some of the patients there, charmed Dr. Meaghan (Noelle’s vet) like he charms everyone else, and even helped me and Hubby with Noelle. Everything went wonderfully and she came home, happy and healthy as a 16 year old cat can be. I’m just glad he saw that pets DO come home from the vet most of the time and the vet is the pet doctor, like our family doctor takes care of us humans.

March saw another round of report cards coming home and once again, Lil Etoile had all As and Bs. There was also something different this time around… Instead of a regular parent-teacher meeting like the school would normally have, it was set up so the student could show the parent exactly what they were doing in school and how far they’ve become. Of course, Lil Etoile was overly excited and couldn’t wait to show us what he could do with Math, reading, and everything else. He showed us how he did basic math on the smartboard, played a speedy math game with his father, showed off his now very much improved writing skills, showed off how he was doing grade 2 and 3 math (!!!) and how he had finished grade 2 spelling and was now being given grade 3 spelling exercises!! *BLINK!*

***Right now, I’d like to take the time to blow a nice, big, fat RASPBERRY at the “early childhood educator” that said those nasty things about my son in the summer of 2007…. I’d say more but this blog is a “family show” after all and that person knows exactly what I think of their so called “diagnosis”. (Get a life and focus on your own children instead of shoving your nose into my life, ya twit!!)…***

Moving on…

It’s hard to believe that another year has gone by so quickly with so many things changing… Some for the better, some for the good. In most cases, it’s been for the good for my son. The amount of meltdowns he has had has decreased exponentially in frequency and in how long they last, and he’s more able to communicate if he’s upset, tired or happy these days. I look back at the last five years and can’t believe how far he’s come… It’s hard to believe that the little almost non verbal little guy of years past is now a very verbal, happy, and an almost run of the mill not quite 8 year old boy. He enjoys sports like basketball and bowling, likes to play video games on his game consoles and my computer, has so many friends at school and is loved by all who know him.

I can’t put into words how proud I am of my precious son… He has come light years but our journey isn’t finished yet. We still have many, many miles to go but we will take things one step, one hour, one day and one year at a time.

I’d like to thank all of my family, loved ones, my son’s teachers/PSA and helpers past and present, and all of our dear friends out there—both locally and online… For your support, your kind words, your love, prayers, everything! We couldn’t have made it this far without you! Love to all of you!

~Veridian~

Journey, Part 1 - Beginning - Originally Written for the MW Magazine in 2008

It was the spring of 2007 when we began our long journey to understand what was happening in our son’s mind… He was almost three years old at the time but wasn’t vocalizing his wants and needs, nor was he able to be around a lot of confusion without having a meltdown and was refusing to be potty trained… We decided to take him to our doctor to see if there was anything we could do for him.

At the time, he was developing normally physically… In fact, he had gone from overly small for his age to about average, if not slightly above average… He had been born at 37 weeks but was the size of a 30 week old fetus when he was born. Seeing his physical development happen when it was supposed to be, even though he was born early, made me a little blind to the fact that he wasn’t talking or playing like other children his age. I thought he would catch up in time but the longer he was non verbal and having meltdowns when he was over-stimulated made me wonder if he needed some help learning how to talk or if he had a medical condition that physically stopped him from talking, like his tongue being tied… His oldest cousin had that problem and had recently had a small procedure to correct it.

Our doctor checked my son over from head to toe. There was nothing physically wrong with Lil Etoile, in fact, he was perfectly healthy. So we discussed various things that may work for him. Our doctor suggested a hearing test and maybe talking to a speech pathologist. We agreed.

Our son had his hearing test during the summer of 2007 and his hearing was perfect for a child his age. Since it wasn’t his hearing that was preventing him from talking, it had to be something else. We decided to pursue this further. My husband and I were determined to help our son in whatever way we could. We were put on the waiting list to be assessed by a speech pathologist and waited for the appointment for several months.

He had an assessment with a speech pathologist from Halifax, Nova Scotia in late fall of 2007. That didn’t go very well. Lil Etoile was non responsive. He didn’t want to point out different things when asked… He just wanted to look at the pictures and run around the large room. The result was a meltdown and my husband and I being very upset.

However, the pathologist decided that Lil Etoile was a good candidate for speech therapy, so we were put on the waiting list for a speech pathologist in our area. I was given a few tips to help myself to figure out what his wants and needs were. For example, if he opens the refrigerator, go over and hold up different things that I suspect he may want, like a can of apple juice and if he reaches for it, give him some while saying the name of the item.

This did work once in a while but it seemed that my sweet little boy needed extra help. I waited impatiently for our first speech therapy appointment.

Five months after my son’s initial assessment, we went to our first appointment with his speech pathologist in May of 2008. She is a little blond haired woman named Trina and I liked her instantly, she has an energy about her that makes one feel instantly comfortable and it wasn’t hard to tell that Lil Etoile liked her too. Despite a small meltdown, he warmed up to her in no time.

Speech therapy began in earnest… Trina would use different methods to get Lil Etoile to verbalize his wants and I would do the exact same thing at home between appointments. It was slow going at first but then we saw slight changes in my son… He was more apt to verbalize what he wanted or needed!! I remember being so excited the first time he said what he wanted without prompting, I picked him up and danced around the house with him!!

However, Trina noticed a few actions my son had that made her start wondering if he was on the Autism Spectrum. She noticed that when he really got excited, he would flap his hands and if he got over-stimulated, he would have a meltdown and we could not calm him down at all. She suggested that we see a psychologist to determine if he is on the autism spectrum or not.

I was very upset with Trina’s speculation at first… After all, I had the stereotypical image of an autistic person in my mind... A person like Dustin Hoffman’s character in the movie “Rain Man” or Megan Follow’s character in “Under the Piano”… Someone who was a genius but unable to completely verbalize their needs or sat in a corner in their own little world. Then I started doing some research and discovered that not all people on the Autism Spectrum are like those two characters… In fact, they are an example of the most extreme cases. People on the Autism Spectrum are generally more verbal and more connected to the world around them. They may need some extra help learning social skills or being more connected to their emotions but it IS possible, and for the most part, they grow up to be very productive members of society.

This gave me hope… Especially since a person I know who is an early childhood educator once said that my son was “stupid” and would “never amount to any more than flipping burgers at McDonald’s—IF he was lucky!” Those not so nice words made me even more determined to prove this person wrong—I would see my son doing more with his life than working at a fast food restaurant. I set out to do everything I could to make sure he has the skills to be able to live in this world and follow whatever career path he wishes to pursue.

We were referred to the South Shore Mental Health Program and met with a psychologist to assess Lil Etoile for Autism in the summer of 2008. We sat down with Dr. Valerie and went over my son’s medical history while he basically dumped out all of the toys in her office. Even a small meltdown was information for her, she told me, it would help her determine if he was a high stress child just by the way he reacted to changes and if he participated in any activities she tried to interest him in.

We continued going to speech therapy and in the fall of 2008, I started attending a multi-session workshop for parents and caregivers of children on the autism spectrum, to help me learn how to teach my son to learn. The workshop was hosted by Trina and her assistant, Mary, and there were two other families attending it. In it, I learned that asking (most) children on the spectrum a lot of questions will only cause confusion, so I learned to re-word things in such a way that it sounded like I was making a statement and letting him fill in the blanks at my cues. For example, I don’t hold up a dinky car and ask him what color it is, instead I say “This car is colored _____.” The cue for him was me pausing and he would then say what color the car was. I also learned that repetition is the key to helping a small child on the autism spectrum… Repeating a verse or simple song over and over again is not only fun for a child, it can also be used as a learning tool when it comes to every day life. One example I have used when trying to teach my son to treat our elderly cat with gentle hands is by singing a very simple song, “This is how we pet the cat, pet the cat, pet the cat… This is how we pet the cat… Soft, soft, soft.” I would then demonstrate how lightly a cat must be handled. Lil Etoile responded to the song right away, even filling in different parts of it when I paused to cue him. He is now being gentler with Birdie, our elderly cat, and will even sing that very song to her sometimes when he’s petting her. Repeating what one says and does, offering cues to the child to participate and keeping it fun seems to help a non verbal child open up and become more communicative, if not verbally, at least in some way like handing over a picture of a cookie or pointing to a glass of juice… Along with saying things slowly, demonstrating the proper grammar in speech and being highly energetic. Communication is more than words… It can be as simple as a smile or handing an adult a favorite toy or book. Learning to respond to these non verbal cues helped me understand my son and his behaviors/actions better.

Lil Etoile had his first autism assessment in the fall of 2008… His psychologist Valerie did the observation while her colleague Jeanie actually interacted with Lil Etoile. I sat in one corner of the room, observing, while they tried different tactics with my son in order to see what skills he had and what skills he needed some help with. For the first time in my son’s life, I watched him pretend play… He actually pretended to feed a stuffed animal some play food!! But when they ended an activity that was high interest for my son, he started having meltdowns and could not focus on anything else. I remember sitting there, crying, while my son showed his frustration that the activity he wanted to do was being put away. Both Valerie and Jeanie were very quick to comfort me… The meltdowns were giving them some very valuable information and it was okay for me to be upset. Watching one’s child get frustrated can be very stressful for any parent, they told me.

Later that fall, Valerie informed me that Lil Etoile was definitely on the autism spectrum, he has Autism Disorder to be exact. In a way, it was terrifying to know this… Knowing we had a very long and somewhat frustrating journey ahead of us scared me to the core. Yet at the same time, a glimmer of hope shone, getting brighter by the minute. We now knew what why our son acted the way he did and had taken the first steps on the road to help him. Even though I had been in the workshop for only a couple of sessions, I noticed some slight changes in my son’s communication… He was a little more verbal and more open to learning about the world around him.

During the workshop, we parents learned how to set up a visual schedule and show our children how to use it. A visual schedule is set up similarly to an agenda that one uses for appointments, etc, but much more detailed. Each evening, we set up what we’re doing each day so my son knows what to expect. It can have pictures, words or a combination of both on it. Each part of the schedule is put on a board, fastened with Velcro and as each activity is finished, the child takes it off the schedule and puts it away, in an envelope or on the back of the schedule. For example, our morning schedule starts off with a trip to the potty, followed by breakfast and watching cartoons before a snack and then my son gets some time on his learning computer before lunchtime. As each activity is finished, he or I remove it and go on to the next one on the list. We have adapted this for traveling or shopping… Just so he knows where we’re going and what to expect. We even have a “Today” and “Tomorrow” schedule so he knows what’s going on each day, along with his own calendar so he can see what’s going on during the month. I’ve found he isn’t overly interested in the visual scheduling yet but I do find he is more responsive to not as high interest activities if he does have the schedule in front of him. He’s more apt to finish something he doesn’t like to do before moving on to something he really likes to do if he can actually see that there is something he likes ahead.

As fall turned into winter we started noticing bigger and bigger changes in Lil Etoile’s communication and behavior. He was more able to express his wants and needs and wasn’t taking as many meltdowns as he had been in the past. We decided it was time to start trying new things with him. He had been sleeping in our big bed with my husband and me since he was 5 months old and was getting too big to continue sleeping there. My husband had been laid off from work at the time, so we decided it was the perfect time to try it. After all, neither of us got much sleep at night, due to Lil Etoile laying on top of us or shoving us both out of bed at different times during the night. Both of us have back problems and this intensified them. We had already set up a small bed in our room for Lil Etoile and were determined he was going to sleep in it and not sleep with us.

At first, we had a lot of sleepless nights… Lil Etoile apparently inherited my stubbornness and refused to sleep in his own bed at first. He would get up and try to climb in between my husband and me, but we were more stubborn and told him to go back to his own bed. There were a couple of nights where one of us would wind up sitting alongside of his bed, sleeping, just to keep him over there and not in the big bed with us. It took a few weeks but soon he was into the routine of climbing into his own bed at night. It’s been over a year now and we’re happy he took that first step toward sleeping in his own room. We have discovered that changing things in very small steps is the best way for our son to accept change. If we had moved him into his own room at that time, he wouldn’t have accepted the change as easily. So moving him from one bed to another in the same room was the best choice for all of us at that time… He knows he is not alone and can talk to us if he wants to… And we are right there if he has a nightmare or gets scared. I do admit to allowing him to crawl into bed with me after his father gets up to go to work in the mornings, that is our time to cuddle and talk about the day ahead.

Spring 2009 started with a visit to Yarmouth, NS so we could see my sister, her family and my mother, who lives with them. Lil Etoile didn’t like being stuck in the car for the two hour drive but was very happy to see his aunt, uncle, cousins and grandmother. I remember hearing my mother comment on how much his speech and behaviors have changed for the better… She noticed how Lil Etoile was talking a lot more and even starting to put sentences together. She then expressed how proud of him she was and I noticed she was following my lead in the way I spoke to my son. We discussed why my husband and I didn’t think he was ready to start regular school in the fall and the pros and cons of having him attend daycare for a year instead. I may be a stay at home mom but the benefits of having him going to daycare every day and interacting with other children his age outweighed the fact that it is expensive and we’d be driving him to and from the daycare ourselves.

Late spring 2009 saw Lil Etoile’s fifth birthday… He had come so far, yet he still had a long way to go in his journey. He still wasn’t potty trained and was still wearing pull ups. He wouldn’t tell me when he had to go to the bathroom, even after I showed him what to do many, many times. I was getting frustrated and was sick of changing poopy pull ups… We decided to buy him some regular underwear and try him with it. I wasn’t expecting it to work, in fact, I had visions of him starting school still wearing pull ups and needing to be changed each time he either wet or pooped himself.

After wetting the underwear and the living room carpet several times, Lil Etoile surprised me by running to the washroom one day in early June 2009, screaming “I need the potty!!” He didn’t wet or filthy up his pants that time. I was so excited, I was jumping up and down and cheering!! He finally got that using the potty in his pants was for babies, not for someone five years old!! He still has the occasional accident, but that’s normal for a child his age as far as I’m concerned. I’m no longer changing dirty diapers or pull ups, the occasional accident is not going to upset me at all!!

As 2009 progressed, we started noticing that our son was a lot more verbal than he had been… He started talking in full sentences more, he was starting to pretend play and was more conscious of the world around him. If someone started to cry in front of him, he was the first person to offer comfort and give hugs when asked. He used to respond to “I love you,” with blowing a kiss, then he progressed to responding with “I love you too!!”. He became even more verbal in what his needs and wants are and will not hesitate to tell someone when he is sad, happy or upset. The meltdowns started to show up less frequently and if he does get upset about something, we have learned to remove him from the situation and try to calm him down by distracting him with a high interest activity.

In April of 2009, Lil Etoile started attending a play group for children with social development problems, with the First Steps Early Intervention team… Some of the children were on the autism spectrum while others had other non-specified reasons why they needed some extra help. His speech pathologist, Trina, was one of the leaders, along with various members of the First Steps team. I met my son’s now First Steps caseworker at the play group, Joanne, who has also been a huge help with my son’s fine motor skills and play. Leaving him there for the first time was a shock for me. I had never left him with anyone but family members before and it was very new to me. I think I had more separation anxiety those first few sessions than he did… He was able to be distracted by Trina, Joanne and the other adults and children while I was wondering what I was going to do for two whole hours of unexpected free time. Lil Etoile played with other children his own age, participated in crafts, learned some new songs and made a lot of new friends. Those ten weeks gave him so many benefits. We are considering taking him to the play group again this coming spring, if it isn’t at a time or day that conflicts with his other activities or appointments.

I began researching daycares that spring and found two in the area that would suit him and make me comfortable leaving him there. Both had experience with children on the autism spectrum and were more than accommodating. Both directors answered my countless questions with patience and good humor, I wasn’t the first parent to be nervous about leaving their child with anyone other than family after all. I think they sensed how protective I am of my son… My son has no fear and will talk to almost anyone or run out in the road if he has a chance to. I was assured that both places would look out for him as I would. I felt my fears easing slightly. Seeing the fenced in play grounds at both centers eased my fears even more. Lil Etoile would be fine and safe at either one. I started getting anxious for a phone call from one of them, telling me that they had a spot for Lil Etoile.

However, both of those daycares were full for children in his age group when daycare started up in the fall. So we decided to start looking for an alternative—preschool. It would mean that Lil Etoile wouldn’t have as much time away from me and it would be more of a baby step toward attending regular school in the fall. Lucky for us, one of the daycares has a preschool program and had my son on the waiting list. I found out through a member of my son’s autism team that there were openings in the one class and I called to sign him up for it.

September 2009, Lil Etoile started attending preschool three mornings a week. For the first week, we started off slowly… The first day, it was only an hour, going to two hours the second day and the entire three hours the third day. I stayed those first three days during his transitional period. The fourth day, I snuck out while he was playing with one of his new classmates and sat in the car and cried for a few minutes. My baby was entering a whole new world and it was time for me to start learning to let go of him just a little bit now and then. There are days when he doesn’t want me to leave right away so I will stay until he says I can go, and that is generally after only 15 or 20 minutes, then he’s happy to play and learn with the other children.

He is in the smallest class the preschool has, with only 16 students in it. There are three teachers and an excellent student to teacher ratio. All three of his teachers are wonderful with him, they are so patient, understanding and gentle with him and the rest of the students. The class is divided into three groups, my son is in Shelley’s group with three other students that he is really good friends with. They are the best teachers a mother could ever ask for her child, they have been a godsend to me and my son. He is still very active and doesn’t like to participate in story time but he will do a craft and help Shelley get ready for snack time or get her something she needs when she asks for it… And if one of his classmates is upset, he is the first to offer comfort, even if it’s asking,  “Are you okay?” to the other student. He scribbles in a work book, paints with enthusiasm, drums for the rest of the class and is always trying to play the piano. He is a very loved and popular child by the rest of his classmates. They are so good and are very understanding with him too… If he doesn’t understand something, one of his classmates will explain it to  him in a way that he understands. If that doesn’t work, the other student will get Shelley or another teacher to help out.

October 2009 saw my son’s class take their first field trip of the year, to the Fisheries Museum of the Atlantic in Lunenburg, Nova Scotia. I was expecting disaster, considering how my son does not like to sit quietly and listen, but he surprised me. During the little learning session about lobsters, he tried to get up and run around but with a threat of going home (from me) he sat down and listened!! After the session, the lady showing us the lobsters played some music and danced to the “Lobster Dance”. No other students wanted to participate in it until Lil Etoile got up and started dancing right along with the lady from the museum!! The rest of the morning was spent doing crafts, touching safe sea creatures like a starfish in the museum’s touch tank, watching how a boat is launched for their maiden voyage and exploring one of the trawlers that the museum has berthed alongside of it. I managed to sneak off long enough to get a few pictures of Nova Scotia’s ambassador, the schooner Bluenose II, which has its home port at the Fisheries Museum. All in all, we had a lot of fun. It was a crisp and cloudy day but getting a little chilled was worth the fun.

December of 2009 was the daycare’s annual holiday/Christmas concert. All classes from the day care and preschool participated, which meant I was able to meet other families who had children in the day care and the other two classes at the preschool. Lil Etoile’s class sang two songs. He participated in the first song with no problems, then proceeded to have a meltdown during the second song. The director of the entire daycare was so good with us, she even tried to help me calm my son down and offered me comfort when I became upset about my son being upset. I cannot express just how grateful I am that Lil Etoile is involved in the preschool that he is… He has been accepted and liked for who he is, even if his mind does work differently than his classmates. Even the parents of his classmates seem to like him a lot and are always saying they are impressed with how far he has come in three months’ time. It’s like being a part of a much larger family, a feeling that warms my heart and makes me cry, I’m so happy.

The second field trip of the year saw us at a local bowling alley. Bowling is a VERY high interest activity for Lil Etoile, he has a set of toy bowling pins and balls at home and he uses my long, narrow kitchen as his own personal bowling alley. At first, he was taking meltdowns when he realized he wasn’t allowed to bowl by himself and he had to wait for the other three students to take their turns. After a while, he calmed down and was waiting for his turn. He did pretty well, he got a score of 55 after only 9 frames, which is really good for a beginner at candlepin bowling!! The last going off, he and one of his best friends were bowling down the same lane simultaneously… It was very cute and everyone giggled over it.

That same week, Lil Etoile had his very first play date with a friend. One of his classmates and their younger siblings came here to our house with their mom for the afternoon. Things went pretty smoothly. We had lunch and we moms let the older children play with Lil Etoile’s toys while we sat out in the kitchen with the youngest child and chatted. I had known their mother briefly several years ago, she used to be friends with a former co-worker of my husband’s and she is a very nice lady. We are discussing having another play date here later in the winter or sometime in the spring. Hopefully things will go as smoothly as they did during the first one, so we can continue this and maybe even have other students over for play dates in the future.

The winter holidays are always a busy time here at my house… Getting the house decorated, the artificial tree set up and the shopping can be very confusing to a child on the Autism spectrum. This past holiday season, Lil Etoile helped his father decorate… It was very cute to watch the two of them working together. Lil Etoile would ask his daddy a few questions and my husband answered them all with good humor. After all the decorating was done, Lil Etoile would look at the tree and point out what the different ornaments were… We have several cross stitched ornaments made by my mother and Lil Etoile was fascinated by the ones that have pictures in them… I have one that has a photo of his three cousins in it and he would point out each cousin, saying their names perfectly.

We always visit my husband’s grandmother at least once during the holiday season… This past year saw her niece and nephew in law visiting from Quincy, Massachusetts. As always, there was mass confusion at Nanny’s house… My mother in law, sister in law, brother in law and his fiancée were all there on Christmas Eve, plus various other friends and family members.

I was expecting my son to have at least one meltdown due to the noise, confusion and the fact that he wasn’t allowed to open any of the presents under Nanny’s tree. Once again I was surprised. Lil Etoile was distracted by his distant cousins, whom he adores. They let him open his gift from them on Christmas Eve… It was an electronic drum set, which he immediately started using to show off his drumming skills with.

All in all, the 2009 holiday season was the quietest and less chaotic one we’ve had since Lil Etoile was a baby. As of the end of February 2010, we still haven’t exchanged holiday presents with my mother, sister and her family yet, but we are planning a trip sometime during the month of March to their new house in the Annapolis Valley, about an hour away by car. I’m hoping things go smoothly… After all the people are the same, it’s the house that is new to us and our son.

January 2010: I register Lil Etoile at what will be his elementary/grammar school. It was a bitter sweet moment for me… After all, everything we had being working with Lil Etoile on had been building up to the moment he starts going to regular school with children his age. He will need a full time aide and lots of support for sitting down to do his work, interacting with other children and following the rules of the school and the hidden social agenda for at least the first year, if not for his entire school career.

January and February of 2010 were full of meetings between me, our autism team and various members of the preschool for deciding what the best action plan was for Lil Etoile’s first year of full time school. Tours of the school are being discussed, as are meetings with Lil Etoile’s future teachers and other staff members at his soon to be school and how we are going to assist him with going on the bus for an hour long ride every weekday. The bus ride will be a huge challenge, Lil Etoile cannot sit still for more than a few minutes without something to distract him and the confusion and chaos on a school bus may cause him to experience a meltdown or overload his senses to the point where he is so distracted, he may lose his perception of where he is and what he is supposed to be doing. A “bus buddy” is on the list of things to try with him… Having a child who is older than him and very responsible sitting with him may be the key to Lil Etoile having a successful ride on the bus every single weekday. If he cannot handle being on the bus, I am prepared to drive him to school each day but only as the very last resort. If he can go on the bus without problems, that would be the ideal situation and a major achievement for him.

As of February 28, 2010, we are considering putting Lil Etoile on medication to help him sit still and concentrate on his school work. If we can get him to take it, he will start off on the lowest dose and if that doesn’t work, we will be adjusting it as necessary until we reach the lowest dose that will help him.

Our journey has barely begun yet we have come a long way… We still have a long way to go before Lil Etoile is able to understand the subtleties of human emotions and the hidden social agenda but he is slowly starting to understand. Each time he learns something new about the world around him, I see his eyes getting brighter and he is remembering to use it at a later date in different situations. He is more social, more understanding and a very intelligent child… Our long term goal is to have him able to function in the big wide world as a fully adept and competent adult, but we still have a long way to go and a lot of work ahead of all of us before that goal is achieved. I don’t mind, I’m his mother, and it’s my job to see that any children I have are equipped with the skills and the necessary tools to see that he succeeds in this life.